Post-pilgrimage reflections

Incredible though it seems, it's been a month and a half since I returned from Korea. Until now, I've actively avoided writing on this blog or engaging in a serious perusal of the media I captured on the pilgrimage for three reasons:

1. I had quite a sit-rep presented to me when I got home, requiring me to sort out my housing in a hurry. It has all been settled now; I am getting a new housemate as of Jan. 1st. God be praised!

2. The backlog of catch up work and future planning for my teaching job was staring me down, and since this is the first time I've taught these three theology classes, there is heavy prep that requires intense intellectual focus and time. I also had to get my head back in the game for my writing job, which felt easier and more natural since I've been doing that job for over a year.

3. I just wasn't ready.

Let me unpack that third statement a bit.

Lotte Department Store, Ulsan, S. Korea

When I first got back, the jet lag was more than just a time difference issue. I felt existentially disoriented in a way that I've never experienced in my life.

I would wake up at all hours from naps or nighttime sleep and honestly have no idea where I was -- and when I realized I was in my room, I would begin to weep for the fact that I wasn't still in Korea. In fact, when the plane wheels lifted off the runway at Incheon International Airport, I cried. I felt like I was being dragged away from my home. (I have more to say about that, but in another time and place!)

Yet life carried on back home. Eventually I got over the jet lag, got caught up on my work, moved into my routines, and touched base with friends and loved ones. Equilibrium was more or less reestablished... and yet the future still is unknown as far as where I will live or work; I know that I need full time work after the school year is over next year.

And so, soon enough I began to obsess on that, which led to a sharp examination of "what's wrong with my life?" and the associated self-bashing that accompanies that.

What has helped me move through this negativity and worry is working on the story I'm writing for the paper. I'm writing an apologetics piece "Why do Catholics go on pilgrimage?" In the course of preparing for this story, I interviewed three people who have been on pilgrimages in the last year, one of whom is a priest who leads pilgrimages and has taught a class on the theology of pilgrimage.

From their stories, I recognized common experiences and the true nature of pilgrimage in the Catholic tradition. Moving from one place to another with intentionality, to listen to the voice of God in a soul that is quieted and recollected through a singular purpose and physical movement. Upon returning, the invitation is to live as recollected and close to God in prayer and daily living as one did on pilgrimage.

I now understand that this is a major element of my personal pilgrimage: to know God's providence and love in my daily life the way I experienced it in Korea - something which I have continued to struggle with even after my reversion 12 years ago. As I've started to come into this deep knowledge, I've felt the sadness and worry lift from my heart.

I can now engage with the beautiful memories, images, and other aspects of my pilgrimage, knowing that the entire experience was such an incredible gift which will continue to unfurl in my heart and soul in the coming weeks and months.

More blogging will be forthcoming as I begin to unpack my media and start to assemble the personal documentary film. Here are a few images from my last few days in Korea.

As always, I am deeply grateful for your readership and support. 감사합니다